I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
this is an emotional support booty call
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
