she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
