tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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