it wasn't lemon gatorade
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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