booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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