this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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