I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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