i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
