at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
