Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we're making bets on your personal life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
