i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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