I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
