Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
