after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
