so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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