After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
