my mouth tastes like poor choices
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
