Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
