Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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