idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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