Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
