yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
