Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
