were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
