Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
