His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
