Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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