Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize