from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
