dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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