Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
