you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
