Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
