it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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