there's paper in my vomit.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
