I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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