Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
