You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
