i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
