3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
