you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
