He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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