You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
