I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
