you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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