He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
