How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize