Define "chronic" masturbator.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
as a side note pls kill me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
