did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
