At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
