Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
