FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
