i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
