she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
