I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
