i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I FOUND THE LEGS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
