She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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