This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
