It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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