dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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