Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
