At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
