dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
