I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
