he wants to bone in the snuggie
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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